O quam te memorem televirgo!
Let us go then you and I
When the evening spreads out
Like a potato etherized upon a couch
Hence, in etherization, may commence holly communion
with the Couch Potato Union.
I have measured out my life with visions of the telly
precious sights of pneumatic bliss
gazes in inter-embracement,
I have seen the sluts shagging in the showers:
I do not think that they will take more than a tickle.
We have lingered by the chambers of the screen
By screen-girls wreathed with screen-weed red and brown
’Till human voices wake us, and we frown.
This is a parody, by Spiros Doikas, on T.S. Eliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. The parody contains many references to popular British culture as it was during the end of the ’90s. Links have been provided for these references as well as for British colloquialisms and slang that may shock the faint-hearted. Read with the original poem side by side for maximum pleasure. No disrespect is meant for Royalty or for anyone else for that matter. And, of course, any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental.
Manchester, 21 April 1996